Ok, so I totally lied when I said my next post would be more exciting and multi media hhaha. I dont know why but I so havent been in to checking out videos and reposting and stuff this week at all. Therefore, I decided my blog would be a reflection of that as well and for today will consist only of my thoughts again.
Lately my head has been swimming with thoughts and ideas and as I mentioned before. I feel excited and like I am on the verge of something amazing......I have no idea what this is of course but it still feels exciting and I'm just going with it haha. The odd part is, I'm as broke as ever but somehow it is not bothering me, or consuming me, as it does sometimes lately. I truly feel like the world is my oyster right now and anything is possible. The right people and situations seem to be presenting themselves to me with ease again and I see opportunities arising where there once was none. There have been a couple of ideas work wise that have been occupying my mind for awhile now and interestingly enough one of them became a little bit more of a solid possibility today over tea with a friend.
As many people know, I have had the amazing opportunity to be able to go to South Africa to teach and experience the culture twice now in the past few years and it has truly been one of my most blessed opportunities. Ever since I was a little girl this was somewhere I wanted to go and having the means to finally do it made me so grateful in so many ways. The experience was inspiring, humbling, uplifting, scary and so exciting all at once and the people I met and worked with now feel like family in many ways. From that first visit, I knew I wanted to make a difference in this place and dreamed of helping other dancers experience all that I had. Today I began brainstorming ways of making that happen and somehow I feel like it is going to be possible this year, which has me beyond excited and eager to see what ensues! I won't get too into my ideas at the moment as it is just in the infant stages but I will definitely keep you all posted as it begins to grow further and solidify!
Aside from this, on a London note, I had a wonderful experience last night with a small group of dancers from London by the name of Alias. They were in for their first practice back after the holidays and I was lucky enough to be able to attend. Not sure quite what to expect as every group rehearses differently, I left my mind open for anything. Wanting to break everyone in gently to the year, Chris (the leader) decided to work on something they call "freestyle therapy." Anyone who knows me as a dancer knows that the word "freestyle" and I are sooooo not friends and last night was no exception! Upon hearing the word, I began sweating and a million thoughts started racing through my head....none of which had anything to do with anything that would be constructive in my "freestyle" As I watched the other dancers do their thing, I was truly touched by the honesty and humility many of them danced with and beyond impressed with their ability to translate their thoughts and feelings to movement and make it all happen to music no less!? haha.
Luckily for the evening, I was able to opt out of my impending doom but it left me feeling frustrated with myself for always "opting out" when it comes to putting myself in front of my ultimate fear with regards to dance. All I can see in my head though is the times I havent opted out and ended up bumbling around with 10 left feet and no concept of what song was playing or where I was. Awesome visual I know! I guess my question in all of this is, how do you gently force yourself into conquering your own fears and what the heck is my problem since I know it is only me holding myself back and no one else! I am such a strong person in many ways but in others I can be so weak and not push myself, oh life haha.
I left the rehearsal though with a stronger understanding and appreciation for the beauty of freestyling and made a pact with myself to practice on my own at least once a day, until I am comfortable with what type of movement comes out of my body. Before I leave here, my new goal is to be comfortable enough to share my inner dancer with everyone and to not be ashamed to do so....in fact lets take that one step further.....to be proud of that inner dancer and what she has to offer!!
Even though many of them will not get a chance to read this, I want to use this to say thank you to all of the people who were present in that room last night. Thank you for sharing yourselves with me and everyone else and for reminding me of why I dance and that we are so blessed to have this outlet. From now on I am going to do my best to choose dance as my form of expression and not just my outlet but my palette also, for my life story:) Thanks guys! xx